Am I Too Tired or Are You a Nachzehrer?

I'm always saying this...

... but I have to be honest, these last few days I'm too tired to fight. Too tired to care what lies beneath the facade. To tired to deal with your irksome bullshit. I just want to get something real, something of value, accomplished. Preferably without you trying to water it down, push it away, or ignore the realities of it.

It kills me that your voices are among the most common I hear in my head now. I let that happen, I know. But still, why am I giving you valuable air time in my mind? Why do you get to drain my energy without paying for it in some way?

The worrisome part isn't that I'm just tired, it's that I think you've made me start to not care. Not caring is the absence of hope, and that's soul-sucking. But that might explain why no matter how much sleep I get I'm not rested, no matter how well I eat I'm nauseated, or no matter how I try to reign myself I'm still running (even in my sleep).

The more you say it's impossible, the more I want to work to prove it's not. Which tires me out even more.

I need to bring something tangible to fruition, to create order out of the chaos, which actually happens to be my job. I also need to keep you and your incredibly unhelpful thoughts at bay.


PS A Nachzehrer is a soul-sucking, not blood-sucking, German vampire.