My People

It doesn't seem to matter where I am, I'm always here.

Rooner's Spevenge or Tips of the Slongue

Some days it seems the English language and I aren't speaking. Hard to take when so much of your life is spent being neurotic AND verbal. Those days just add to the neurosis.

But there are days when this problem amuses more than confuses me. Those are the days of the plannel flaid shirt. Rev. Spooner would understand. He was notorious for mixing his words (and credited for more babbling blunders than he actually said).

In a selfless act of archiving (you know, for history's sake), I began to keep a running list of my spoonerisms. It amused me. Besides, I figured if someone could write 14,000 Things to Be Happy About and make money, I could one day publish this list and become rich. This is still my retirement plan.

For now, I offer these for free. Enjoy, and consider it advanced advertising for my upcoming book. The bracketed initials signify it wasn't me.


Plannel flaid shirt (and so it begins)
Spack pare clothes
Tee and flick collar [KY]
Pleck of daying cards
Yoke your peye out
Dear neath experience
Up pose and clersonal
Drainy and rizzly
Moke and smist
Rount Mushmore
Aarrots and capples [AW]
Soroughly thoaked
Chocolate chovered cerries
Pa and skunk
Bailish Iries cream
Vears a bague resemblance
Coly-potton cloth
Meekend wail [SD]
Hunson Boneydue
Smodding and niling
Sooves the sathage beast
Fales sigures
Eak and steggs
Plannel flants (I have a hard time with flannel)
Slies and lander
Plown brain wrapper
Munch loney
One sell foop
Blutter bob
Musty ruskets
West vile nirus [AW]
Herribly tideous
Scarting pouty
Piny wouty face
Explays & dishibits
Wocket patch
Flank Royd Wight House
Acon & beggs
Snuck in stow
Ounger and yolder
Ben Parklin Frankway
Grown bravy [PH]
Robster lavioli
Carm and fow country
Linking is dregendary [MH, without the linking]
Little Ford Lontleroy
Row load
Stane and sable
Lead at reast
Shrab and crimp
Muss or plinus
a tree fial
a vizzled greteran
a poke of smacks [RB]

So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen...

My world just got smaller.

Ya, Ich Spreche Deutsch

German. This blog's title and my pseudonym are German. They translate as "ship of fools" and "fool" respectively.

Just thought you should know what you're getting yourself into.

I Offend Myself

I hate blogging. I originally created this account so I could post my ridiculous comments to a friend's blog. But sitting here in East Jesus (go east until you cry, "Jesus, where am I?" and you're here) I find myself with the three basic ingredients for a blog: time, thoughts, and boredom.

So despite my blogging aversion, here I am. Blogging. I even hate the word.

Now my ridiculous comments may be read by all.