On Repeat

I survived the pandemic year, but might not survive the post-pandemic reentry. After a year of being strong for others and showing that I'm beyond competent, I'm worn down and my efforts unrecognized.

Each day in my head sounds like this.

MORNING

 

DAY

 

 NIGHT

 

 

 

 

 

Midnight Mid-Life Question

 Is what got me here what I need to stay here?

My father never had "the talk" with me. Not that my mother didn't push him to. He kept saying he'd get to it, but never did.

Instead, when I was 11, my mother walked into my bedroom, handed me a book, and told me to ask her if I had any questions.

The only question I had then, and now, is why did she get me a sex-ed pop-up book?

It was The Facts Of Life: Three-Dimensional, Moveable Illustrations Showing the Development of a Baby from Conception to Birth.



I remember reading it and thinking I was aware of everything in it. I have a much older brother, after all. For years afterward, I vividly remembered my impressions of the section on male reproductive cells. Which is why paisley makes me uncomfortable.

Round and Round I Spin, Where I Stop is Almost a Given

Three ways to spend my time. I always seem to choose the screen, giving my days away and not remembering what I saw.

The Nick of Time

I asked her to order the 100 pack of razor blades for me. She thought "why not?" and ordered two packs. At the rate I use them, I now have enough shaving blades to last for the next seven years. Or, to put another way, well into my fifties. I will now think about this every time I shave.

The Gods Love a Joke

Jeff Spate

Source

The sun plunges into the ocean
A blazing titanic stone
The mother of madness opens her arms
And swallows you whole in the night

Penny she waits all alone in the dark
Her tears outnumber the stars
Her man he’s been gone now for so long
Wonders will he ever come home

Icarus cried when his wings got fried
Sailing too close to the sun
He paid for his folly with his young life
Left a poor father to grieve

No it ain’t always funny but somehow its seems
The fates they just come in between
Cause the gods love a joke just like anyone else
Especially when the joke is on you

My New Answer to Everything

It started with fencing. The teenagers, finding me not as beatable as they thought, would ask me how long I'd been fencing. Wanting to be enigmatic and with a straight face, I'd say, "not long enough."

Lately, it seems to be my answer to every such question. But only because it's the honest one.